A Radically Poetic Love Story: Single, Satisfied, Self-Made, and Soulfully Open

Why am I single? It’s a question I asked myself one peaceful morning, not in despair, but with curiosity and a heart wide open. In this episode of Masterful Listening, I reflect on the loves I’ve known—the heartbreaks, the highs, the wildly poetic moments—and how they’ve shaped the person I’ve become. This isn’t just my story; it’s for anyone who has loved deeply, lost profoundly, and still believes in love. It’s for the dreamers, the romantics, and the ones who dare to stay radically open, even when love has left its mark. And maybe, just maybe, my love is out there, listening too.

Let’s dive into the beauty of being single, satisfied, self-made, and soulfully open, and explore what it means to rise in love rather than fall into it. This one’s for you, for me, and for anyone who still chooses love—no matter what.

Masterful Listening is sponsored by Rad Hats For Rad Humans. 30% of every purchase goes towards mental health initiatives. If you write a review of the show, you get 20% off a Rad Hat of your own.

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Transcript

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Everything is a continuum. I really don't believe there's like the right choice or the wrong choice. I have chosen, for example, to be single. And I've chosen that for a lot of reasons. And I'm going to talk about some of those, but it doesn't mean that that's the right choice or the better choice. It's just been my choice, right? So it's like choose your choice. But when you make a choice, I think you might as well choose something that you think will give you a good story. Because again, if you're going to tell a story, you might as well make it a good story. All we're doing in life is telling stories. And I looked back at all these relationships and I could have seen a ton of failure and thought, oh gosh, why am I still single? But I genuinely didn't feel that. And trust me, at times through my life, I've definitely been like, oh my God, what is wrong with me? And nothing's wrong with me. Nothing's wrong with you. I'm so grateful for every love, for every relationship, truly, deeply. And it was so cool to reflect on this. And so I'm just going to read this. So I guess this is just in gratitude to all the men, well, and women, but all the people in my life that I've ever had relationships with that were loves of mine. And this one is more about, I would say, romantic love than just platonic friend love. But in general, um, I'm very blessed to have had so many incredible relationships in my life. I mean, truly, it's like, whoa, that's really one of the reasons actually this show came to be. And by the way, this is gonna end up being episode 50, I think. So for my 50th episode, which is wild, it's so cool. I'm gonna do this completely unplanned impromptu, uh, Why Am I Single? episode where I'm not even gonna talk most of the time. I'm just gonna read this article. One thing I've always said was I want to like narrate books while I'm narrating my own piece of a book. And every chapter, there were 13 because I've had these 13 epic relationship loves in my life. And I thought it'd be cool if the idea was that the book starts and it's like my wedding day, right? And then every chapter is a different person that I've really loved, had a love with in my life. And you keep moving through as I tell these stories and and and what each one of these people means to me, et cetera. And then at the end, we get married, but I never tell you to who, and you kind of have to figure out. So that was always my idea. So essentially, I thought it would be so cool though if I did get married that every other person who's been with me was there, and it was like, good luck, buddy. No, but you know what I mean? I've always loved this idea of like conscious uncoupling and remaining friends. And frankly, I haven't remained friends with all my exes, and often because they did not want to remain friends with me, um, because I'm so no, I mean, I I back in high school, someone said something and I haven't forgotten it. He said something like, if you're still friends with your ex, you either never loved them or you're still in love with them. And I just thought that was so interesting. Uh, I think it's tough to be friends with an ex. Totally possible. In fact, the only thing I think you need is time. Like my ex, the one who sent me lose control. We're friends. I really care about him. I love him. He's just not my person. That's not what happened. He just told me that he had a one-year anniversary, I think, with his new girlfriend, and I saw a photo, he sent it, and I was happy for him. That felt so awesome. Now I did not feel that way right away when we broke up, and I was heartbroken because in that particular case, our relationship was actually great in a lot of ways. Circumstances didn't work, right? So this whole piece is sort of an homage to a love and how we all have different types of love. And how often, if you're single out there, have you had people be like, so why are you single? Kind of like there is something wrong with it. Some I I feel about it a couple of ways. I feel like half the time-ish, when people ask me why I'm single, it's like, oh, like, why are you single? And oh no, don't worry, like you'll meet someone. And I'm kind of like, oh, I'm not worried. Like, really, I'm I'm good because I've realized fortunately or unfortunately, whatever story I guess you can make up about that. Mine is fortunately, like I'm I'm well on my own. I I'm better on my own typically than in a relationship. Past that like first beginning, I'm so excited stage. I've really realized that unfortunately up until this point, I've wilted more than blossomed in my relationships. But every man I was with definitely blossomed more. And some were a bit more balanced than others. But the point is, I just haven't met my person. I I joke that I could have been married a few times and I'm glad I wasn't because it would just be more paperwork, which is annoying. But that's okay too. In some weird way, I almost feel like I'm supposed to be with someone who has been divorced and maybe even has a kid or two, because I think when things like that happen, you either learn and decide to be better, which is awesome. I think that's why they say that when people get married a bit older. I think the data shows when they're older or when it's their second marriage, they last longer typically. And I think that makes sense because if you've already been through a divorce, which freaking sucks, from what I know. I mean, my breakups sucked. So I imagine it's worse, or you know, everyone has their own experience. But like you go through something like that and you either come out of it, I think, kind of like Phoenix rising from the ashes type of feeling, kind of like how I've tried to come out of my breakups, or you just get bitter. And I didn't want to get bitter, and I had reasons to get bitter. I have had a few people say, wow, Svet, it's amazing that you still have your heart open to love after everything that's happened. I'm like, yeah, just because I haven't found it yet doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I've seen the kind of love that I imagine would make me wild enough to get married, which I think is the most radical thing, which is so funny. Like, I see people who get married and I'm like, wow, like I'm not the radical one. Aren't you like forever with one person, even though you change, right? There's something about that to me that's like so insane and courageous that I'm like, oh yeah, for sure. But I think if I was to make that choice, which I sense is coming later in my life, interestingly, that's always by feeling. Um, I want to make sure that like I'm pretty like that it's easy. And that's really it. I think for me, that's what I've learned. As soon as a relationship has become too complicated in the wrong ways, it's just not right for me. So I'm gonna read this right now, and I don't even know if I'm ever gonna post this, but here we go. Why am I single? The tale. Okay. I don't know. I'm gonna start again. That was weird the way it's written. Okay, so this one is called Single, Satisfied, Self-Made, and Soulfully Open. A Radical Love Journey by Sabat Lana Saitsky and her AI. Why am I single? The question surfaced like a puzzle piece I turned over in my mind, and unexpected musing on a peaceful Sunday morning, with Jack Johnson singing about banana pancakes, mellow snoozing nearby, and the view from my sausolito home spreading out before me. It wasn't an interrogation or a search for answers. It was a moment of reflection, curious, light, sincere. This isn't a manifesto on why being single is the pinnacle of happiness or a guide on how to master independence. I love, love, always have, always will. I'm the person who listens to a song like Loose Control by Teddy Swims and feels my heart thump with memories of love stories that could inspire movies or become the subject of long therapy sessions. Oh, I've experienced romances so epic. They felt like they'd been written for the big screen, and others so fleeting they could barely fill a vignette. Each one left a mark, though, a distinct puzzle piece that added depth to who I am. There was Julian, my first love in high school, who adored me so completely that people would ask, what's it like to be loved that much? The answer suffocating. That love was pure and all-consuming, mirroring the way I would learn to love others with everything, even when it wasn't sustainable. Then came Marcus, my college sweetheart, kind and sincere, but we both knew we weren't each other's person. Then there was Tobias who made me feel like a queen in our little world until he walked away on Valentine's Day, taking our kingdom with him. That heartbreak became the ticket to Roma, where I met Hugo, the Pope's chef, who carried me through cobblestone streets and whirlwind adventures in his Ferrari. It was intoxicating and transient. Soren was different. He was the one who sent me lose control. Knowing just how music resonated with my soul, our love felt effortless, like the melody of a favorite song. We were the kind of couple that flowed seamlessly with a friendship that made daily life easy and warm. But life with its twists and turns didn't let us be. Through Soren, I realized that motherhood was something I might embrace with the right partner, not in the way I had imagined, but in a form that felt authentic to who I was. There was also James, who I met on Maui, but whose presence followed me stateside, where I once drove 20 hours through a blizzard just to be near him. Our connection was cosmic intense and beautiful, but brief. And Alex, who I wrote into existence during a moon ritual, who penned letters that made me believe in the kind of romance I'd only dreamed of. He was the man who taught me, even as I was on my knees begging him to stay, that true love sometimes means letting go because no one can rescue us but ourselves. His departure catapulted me into the darkest night of my soul, where I discovered the depths of my courage. And for that, I'm very grateful. He taught me that sometimes walking away is the most loving act we can give to ourselves. And the pilot I met on the big island with whom I shared a sleepless night and an airport under the stars gave me a glimpse of love that wasn't tethered to physicality. Some of the deepest loves I learned are the ones that make us rise in love, not fall. Some of the deepest loves I've had, I never even touched. In 2012, after one of those soul-crushing breakups with someone that I definitely touched, um, yeah. Thank you, David, for shattering my heart and leading me to discover the untethered soul. And then I married myself. Before self-marriage became a hashtag or a trend, I might add, I bought a ring in Union Square and I promised to never abandon the person who would always be with me. Me. I even renewed those vows when the original ring got lost, realizing that the commitment was never about the symbol, but about my own soul. Mantras guide me like stars. I am exactly perfectly on time. A no is a yes to something better, and genius is the ability to receive from the universe. These words are not just phrases, they are reminders that I am whole. And through all of these experiences, I realized that love is not about the fall, but the state of being present, alive, and rising in it. I used to joke that I was the world's greatest quitter. 30 plus jobs over a dozen relationships, but one thing I never quit on was myself. And it turns out that quitting what doesn't serve you is not failure, it's freedom. Saying no was how I learned to say yes to the life that aligned with my heart. Sundays became my compass for potential relationships. I always ask, what's your perfect Sunday? Because it just reveals everything. My perfect Sunday begins slow. I wake up when my body feels rested, make a lazy breakfast, and enjoy the sound of music or mellow singing. Maybe I'd paddleboard or walk, then spend the afternoon creating something in the workshop surrounded by trees with someone who knows how to lose track of time and savor the moment. It's really not about what we do, it's about being present. And by the way, mellow is my doggy. And yeah, a mellow Sunday sounds so rad. And by the way, yes, I know the statistics. Single women live longer, are healthier, and often happier, but that's not why I'm single. I'm single because in relationships, I often gave too much, too much of myself, and I ended up depleted. It's not that the love isn't beautiful, it's that it's only worth it when it makes me feel expansive, not diminished. And that hasn't happened yet, long term. People often ask how I find so much magic in my life. And the answer is I look for it. But searching for magic isn't the same as searching for a partner. If love knocks on my door and if he resembles Aquaman and knows what makes a perfect Sunday even better, and not even knows, but if his idea of how to spend a day where we can do anything aligns with mine, yes, I will welcome that in. But I'm not waiting or wishing, I'm living whole, open, and ready. So why am I single? Because right now it's a choice. It's where I thrive, it's where I wake up on a Sunday morning and look at the day and think I like her. That's my answer. I'm single, satisfied, self-made. And by the way, self-made thanks to a lot of people who really help me. So thank you very much to everyone who does that. Oh man, yeah. And and I am, I'm soul fully open. And that to me is the most radical love story of all. And that is it. And I want to add this thing truly, of everyone I've loved and I have loved so deeply, really thank you to everyone who's ever been in a relationship with me. Uh, in a in a romantic one, because you know, I don't know if you'll ever hear this, but if you do, and you are one of these people and you know who you are, uh thank you. I'm sorry. You're welcome. And I wish you well, right? Here's the thing: I just realized somewhere down the line, in fact, I realized this from the person in the story. By the way, all the names were changed. Maybe except for one. Uh-huh. Um, no, I'm grateful for all these people. And I want to make that clear, they weren't bad people, they were amazing people. When me and my girlfriends or guy friends or friends uh look back at some of these relationships I've been in, there's often this theme of like, oh, whoa, Svet, they're they're super attractive. I'm like, of course. Like, I'm attracted to attractive people, as we're all attracted to attractive people in our view of what it means to be attractive. And truly, the people I've been with, I thought were amazing and beautiful and interesting humans. And it still didn't work out. Not because they're bad or I'm bad. I think there's a few things. There's chemistry, there's compatibility, there's timing. And for me, those three things have never all been there. I've had chemistry, oh, plenty of that, but that's not enough. And I've even had compatibility, which is amazing, and chemistry, but the timing was just wrong. That one really sucked. Uh actually, that's happened more than once. And so I say sometimes it happens in life where our orbits just intersect at the right moment. And it's like, wow, it's magic. And when that happens, when there's magic in life, I can't let it pass me by. One of the people I mentioned in this article, I remember I was in Maui and I got dropped off at this coffee shop, and I had no plans. I was, I just landed. I asked if I could stay with someone through a friend who I didn't even know, and they were so nice. And I got dropped off at this coffee shop. And I'm walking in and I see this guy sitting outside, and he's so beautiful. He's sitting in like some bored shorts, shirtless. It's Maui, is super normal. He has long hair and this beautiful neck tattoo, which I noticed because I appreciate tattoos as someone who has quite a few tattoos. Um, and as I I literally thought to myself, because I could feel a connection, which is what happens. I think you can tell with someone like that's a soulmate that there's something there. Both people feel it. And I literally said to myself, if he's still sitting out there, when I come out with my coffee, it's on. I don't know what that means, but I'm gonna talk to him. And I did. I came out, he was right there, I sat right. Next to him, looked right at him and said, Who are you? Or something like, What does this mean? His tattoo was so beautiful. And boom, that was the beginning of that. Absolutely, I mean, that could be a Nicholas Sparks novel. I remember one of the moments where that relationship was like at a breaking point. And I was in San Francisco and I dropped him off at the VA and then sat at the beach crying for hours, really thinking about damn, like sometimes you have a soul contract with someone and they just didn't keep it for whatever reason. But at that point in my life, I'd already been through so many breakups that had really shattered me and really um detoured my life, but not in a way that I would have detoured. Like detours are great when you choose to take them. When you get hijacked by a detour, no fun, right? And again, no one was good or bad. There's so many things that make people compatible. And so again, thank you to all the love stories. Thank you to all the people. You truly were a part of my story. And I hope that one day at my wedding, that whoever I have loved who I'd want there would come and celebrate that I did find someone who I chose to spend more time with, probably forever until we choose not to. I don't know. We'll see. I'm open to anything. I'm grateful that you listened. And whether you're single or whether you're in a relationship, I think the key is that you are good where you are. That you're good. Who cares? Right? There's nothing you're supposed to do. Don't shuddle over yourself. You know, you don't need to, you don't have to do anything. Should you date someone? Should you get married? Should you get divorced? Uh-uh. Check in with yourself. Check in with your heart. Check in like what do you feel about your life when you wake up on Sunday morning? Are you glad to be waking up next to your partner? If yes, cherish it. Isn't that amazing? First of all, I've always found it's not very comfortable to sleep with anyone. So if you just even sleep well with someone, cheers to that. A plus right there. Um and if you're waking up near someone that it's not a nice feeling waking up with, maybe this could be a little wake-up call to like, what would it take to have a to take a perfect Sunday or to have a perfect Sunday? And I say that as I take some CBD cream to rub on my neck because I'm in pain. Um the thing is, is I at this point, at my age, after being single for most of my adult life, I mean on and off, I've had a few relationships here and there, but I've really chosen, I've spent most of the time with myself. So at this point that I've built this life and I love this life, and it's like taken so much for someone to come in, I'm so open. But they'd have to bring something else that I don't already have, or else it doesn't really make sense for me, honestly. That's how I see it. I have friends, I have people in my life, but to choose like a life partner, which by the way, yes, you know, I don't know where these people are these days. So instead of freaking out about am I gonna find him? Oh my god, it's like I found me. Finding me has honestly felt more exciting. There we go. I brought it back. Finding me has felt like the greatest high ever, just in being able to actually enjoy my own company. Not because I don't want to hang out with others, it's really fun. But I love being around the right people for me. I can feel it, my body feels calm. I'm inspired, I'm excited, but honestly, I don't feel that way around it. So when I do, they know it. And hopefully the next time I meet someone I'm really excited about, I'll have integrated all the lessons that all of these incredible partners of my past taught me, gave me, showed me that everything is a lesson, everyone is a teacher. I've had a lot of wonderful teachers, and I hope that this will be enjoyable to listen to. So check in with yourself. What was that? I kind of read something out loud. I don't even know if I'm ever gonna post this. I kind of just wanted to see what it would feel like to record it. And then I always, whenever I record anything, I re-listen to it and then I decide what I'm gonna do with it. Because when I'm in it, I just want to be in it. As soon as you find yourself thinking too much about whatever you're in, you're not in it anymore. And I can say this that I was in my relationships, and I was so wanting uh at the time for them to be more turn into something, but I'm so glad they didn't. It would have just been more stress. And you know, whoever's coming next, wherever they are, and again, take your time, take your time. Uh, you're getting like version 13.0. So, like, I'm upgraded, not better than myself, but better at all kinds of things. And you better be better at all kinds of things. Because when two beings, right, I believe, come together who are already awesome on their own, like content and thriving in a human way. It's like I'm not happy all the time, things are not perfect. In fact, that would not be a good match for me, right? The perfect human I've realized for me is someone who reminds me of me, but in this particular way. I don't meet many people, and I'm open to meeting more, because they just feel more resonant for me. I don't meet many people who are both go-getters and just like have big goals and want to accomplish big things. I feel like one of those people and who know how to chill hard, like do nothing, like rest. It took me literally losing my ability to walk recently to finally slow down. Like finally. And now it's not that I'm saying slow is better than fast. Actually, no, I am absolutely saying that. For me, uh, slow is better than fast. But the point is like pace is is just it feels better for me to just take things slow, to not be in a rush. But you're on your own time frame. And I always felt for some reason that I needed to know me and be me before I could truly be great and compatible and like be the partner that I've wanted. That's it. I once had a therapist literally say, be that partner that you want. You're seeking all these things. Are you all those things? I wasn't, and now I'm more those things, and I'm still working on it, but I've stopped trying to better me or work on me to attract someone. I'm just doing it because it feels damn good. It's just nice to hang out with yourself and enjoy it. Bottom line, period, end of episode. Your homework, should you choose to accept it, is uh to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself and that you're great. And maybe call an ex and thank them for something they've done for you. Or not. See you next time. Thanks for listening to that. Oh, bye.